Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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