I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
