I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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