I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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