He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
