today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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