you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
