i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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