You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
