everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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