I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
