You're my little dorito
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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