Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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