Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
