No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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