My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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