Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
