I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
