I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
you never un-have a 4some
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
