So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
