just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
