Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
