Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish you could order shots online.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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