she was so not down for the gang bang
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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