I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
