Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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