Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's always time for handjobs
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
