Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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