My first STD was from a foam party
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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