so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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