Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
