The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just pee around me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
