'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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