the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
