Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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