So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
