you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
