batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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