Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
