you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
