You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Small penises have feelings too.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
