Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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