Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
