It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
