At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she told me i tasted like america
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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