Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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