I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
