Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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