Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
