Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
