I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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