Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I want you more than these girls want KFC
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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