3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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