Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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