She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
