I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
