I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
