so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
