she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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