the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
is wine microwaveable?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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