so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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