Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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