No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
