I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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